Identifying Feelings of Discomfort and Creating an Action Plan
We all experience discomfort at various points in our lives, whether it's a fleeting moment of unease or a persistent feeling of something being "off." While it's natural to want to avoid discomfort, recognizing and understanding these feelings can be incredibly empowering. By identifying the source of our discomfort, we can create an action plan to address it, leading to growth and a more fulfilling life.
We are going to go over three steps to creating a Needs >> Actions List:
Step 1: Identifying the Source of Discomfort
Step 2: Identify Unmet Support Needs Step 3: Creating an Action Plan
Step 1: Identifying the Source of Discomfort
The first step in dealing with discomfort is to accurately identify what you're feeling. Discomfort can take many forms, and pinpointing the exact emotion can help clarify your next steps.
Here's a menu of common feelings that may cause discomfort:
Physical Discomfort:Â This might manifest as irritation, soreness, or pain. It's a physical sensation that is annoying but not severe. For example, perhaps you're sitting at your desk and feel a slight backache that distracts you from focusing on work.
Confused:Â This is the unease that comes from the unknown. When you're faced with a situation where the next steps aren't clear, confusion can lead to anxiety and stress.
Unsettled/Agitated: A feeling of being out of order, unstable, or agitated. Feeling unsettled is like being out of sync. It’s a sense of instability or agitation, as if something is not quite right but you can't put your finger on it.
Overwhelmed: When there's too much information or too many tasks to process at once, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. This can result in paralysis or anxiety as you struggle to decide what to tackle first.
Awkward:Â This is the feeling of being overly self-aware but unsure of how to act. It often arises in social situations where you're not sure of the expectations or dynamics at play.
Embarrassed:Â A deeply uncomfortable emotion, embarrassment can arise when we feel exposed or when our actions don't align with our own or others' expectations.
Guilt:Â Guilt is feeling bad about something you did, whether it was an action taken or a failure to act. It often involves a sense of responsibility for the discomfort or harm of others.
Shame:Â Unlike guilt, shame is about feeling bad about yourself as a person. It's a more pervasive feeling that can impact your self-esteem and sense of worth.
Fear:Â Fear is a response to a perceived threat, whether real or imagined. It often arises when we face uncertainty or anticipate a negative outcome. Fear can manifest as anxiety, hesitation, or avoidance and might be linked to specific situations, such as public speaking, or more generalized anxieties about the future. Recognizing fear as a natural emotion can help you address its root cause and take steps to manage it effectively.
Feel free to add your own vocabulary to this list or check all that apply. Naming the emotion is the first step in taking control of it.
Step 2: Identify Unmet Support Needs
What do you need to succeed today? This can include things like body-doubling, sensory reduction, emotional support, etc. The outer expression of feelings, such as anger and frustration, are seen as indicators of needs, such as love and acceptance, that are unfulfilled.
In this step, look inside ourselves to uncover unmet needs.
What challenges are you facing?
Any there feelings that need acknowledgment?
What factors are affecting your energy levels, and how will your energy levels affect your ability to reach your goals?
Do you need to recalibrate expectations of yourself?
Who do you need to connect with? (Can Chat AI help talk you through?)
Below is a list of "starter" list of needs from the book Nonviolent Communication, by Marshall Rosenberg. I keep this list of needs on my phone for such conversations.
Step 3: Creating an Action Plan
Once you've identified the source of your discomfort, the next step is to create an action plan. Here's how you can approach it:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Simply acknowledging that you’re feeling discomfort is powerful. It validates your experience and sets the stage for moving forward.
Reflect on the Cause:Â Take some time to reflect on why you're feeling this way. Is there a specific event, interaction, or thought process that triggered it? Understanding the cause can help you address it more effectively.
Determine Actionable Steps:Â Ask yourself, "What can I do about this?" Some discomforts, like physical pain, might be alleviated by practical steps such as changing your posture or taking a break. Emotional discomfort might require more introspection, setting boundaries, or having a difficult conversation.
Prioritize Self-Care and Adjust Expectations:Â Sometimes, the best action you can take is to care for yourself. This might mean taking a moment to breathe, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
Seek Support:Â If the discomfort feels overwhelming, consider reaching out for support. This could be talking to a friend, seeking advice from a mentor, or even consulting a therapist.
Review and Adjust:Â After you've taken action, review how you're feeling. Has the discomfort lessened? If not, what else might need to change? Discomfort can sometimes indicate that deeper work is needed, so be patient with yourself as you navigate this process.
Special Note: Fear of Social Repercussions
For many, especially neurodivergent individuals, fear of social repercussions can be a significant source of discomfort. This fear often stems from past experiences of ostracization, rejection, or loneliness. It can manifest as anxiety in social situations, hesitation to express oneself, or avoidance of interactions altogether. Neurodivergent folks might be particularly sensitive to the possibility of misunderstanding or being judged by others, which can lead to heightened feelings of isolation. Acknowledging this fear is crucial, as it often reflects a deep-seated need for belonging and acceptance. Creating an action plan might involve finding safe and supportive spaces, setting clear communication boundaries, or practicing self-compassion as you navigate social interactions. Remember, it's important to prioritize environments where you feel valued and understood.
Conclusion
Discomfort is a part of life, but it doesn't have to control us. By identifying the source of your discomfort and creating an actionable plan, you can transform these challenging moments into opportunities for growth and self-improvement. The next time you feel uneasy, remember this process: identify, reflect, act, and adjust. With practice, you'll find that you can face discomfort with confidence and resilience.
I hope this helps,
--Rachel